​
​~AJ

I noticed on the day of Thanksgiving that my refrigerator was acting weird.  The things that were supposed to remain frozen were melting, and what was supposed to remain cool was now at a nice room temperature.  Of all days for this to happen!  I must admit I cooked absolutely nothing so there was no worry, however, I knew I needed to fix the problem before it escalated into an even larger mess!

As I began to empty my freezer of the frozen blueberries, perfectly pink raspberries and a grocery store supply worth of frozen veggies, I was thankful that my meat was still frozen.  To the chest freezer we go!  

I digress, per usual, because I am not here to talk about my silly appliance!  However, in hindsight, the broken appliance is the reason that brought me to the conclusion that I needed to write this post, so in short the non-working appliance is to thank for this enlightenment you are about to experience.  Don't mind this run on sentence, I tend to do that when I have had more than the suggested dose of caffeine for the day.

This past Sunday I awoke hungry.  It was early, around 7:30 a.m. and I decided I was going to take myself to breakfast.  There is a very nice and friendly breakfast/lunch cafe a short distance from my home, so I showered, got dressed and a bit reluctantly I might add, I walked in.  

Hostess:  How many?
Me:  One
Hostess:  Would you like to sit at the bar?
Me:  No.  In the back of my mind I am thinking 'do I look like I need a drink?  Or is this the place where all singles are seated for breakfast?!'
Hostess:  Follow me

As I am seated at a table that is clearly designed for four I smile and remember the times when this used to be my norm.  Venturing out and eating alone that is.  There is a certain peace that comes along with the delicious meal I was preparing to have.  I'm a people watcher, and I enjoyed every bit of it.  I enjoyed the noisy silence.  The conversations from the tables before and behind me which were somehow muted out to the point where it seemed as if I was in a world all by my lonesome.  

That's just it.  I was far from lonely.  The reluctance I initially felt when walking into the cafe was the thought that someone would wonder why it was a table for one.  Where were my friends or loved ones?  That feeling soon left as I cozied into my chair and enjoyed the creme brûlée latee that I knew I would have to exercise off later.  Not to mention the steak, potatoes, eggs and fluffy pancakes!  But hey, no one is counting calories here!  The food, the energy, the service, all amazing!  

Life doesn't always allow you the comfort of company or a companion, however, that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the simple things.  

This is by far my last solo adventure.  Stay tuned!  I'm kinda in the mood for something spicy and delicious!  

If you are in the area check out Toast and Jam Cafe!  I have always had a truly exceptional experience.

~AJ ☕️

​I like things.  In abundance, not too much, just enough to make my space feel like a nice warm hug.  

Not sure when the obsession started, that is, the need to have balance in the form of sculptures, pictures hung throughout the house in a museum-type vibe, and an endless amount of trinkets.  Treasured gifts from friends cause those creases in an upward motion on the side of my face.  Also known as a smile.  Sentimental items that I treasure and tuck away and pull out when I need to be reminded.  Mainly gifts that I have given myself.  

​Remember that balance I spoke of?  Well, there you have it.  If I waited for all the things I loved from others I might be waiting a while, and I am somewhat particular in my design approach.  I'm a fan of treating myself, so I do it from time to time.

As I walk through my home I am in awe at how much I have accumulated.  Never a need to ask why because I already know.  In as much of a visual sense, space has become a feeling for me.  I crave the energy of a room as much as I crave the sunlight.  It's a definite necessity at this point, so I ensure that I am never denied of that need.  I have accepted the fact that I am the collector of things.

My niece spent the weekend with me.  We laughed, a lot, ate very well, visited a couple of antique stores, and had so much fun.  If you like things as much as I do, you know what walking into an antique store feels like!  And here comes that balance again.  Amazing how that keeps inserting itself where needed.  

​It's early for some on this amazingly beautiful Sunday morning.  The sun is shining and there is a breeze that feels like it was meant for the weekend.  I stepped outside to pick fresh vegetables, chatted with a neighbor, and stepped back inside to sit for a moment.  My mind is in full observation mode.  What can I add to this space here or remove, I wonder?  Never clutter, always purposely positioned so I have no worries there.  For now, I will just enjoy it.  Not some of it, not a portion to be saved for later, but all of it.  

I should mention that at any given moment an urge will hit and off to a store I go, to gather nails for hanging a new picture, or a plant to go in that space that feels somewhat empty.  Hey, the universe didn't create all of these great things if they weren't meant to be enjoyed.

~AJ

Uvalde Texas, a small town with a population of a little over 15,000 and predominantly Hispanic is located in the South Texas region approximately 50 miles east of the United States-Mexico border and sits at the crossroads of the nation's two longest highways, U.S. 83 and U.S. 90.  These highways go from Canada to Mexico and Florida to California.  Honey from Uvalde hives was well known across the country and Uvalde was named the honey capital.  A small town of citizens who dream big and take pride in their community. [1]

For most, routines are part of the norm.  Hit the snooze on the alarm just enough times so you aren't late starting the chores of the morning.  Crawl out of bed, wake the kids, make breakfast, get them off to school and start your day to accomplish all the things you need to before it's time to pick up the kids from school or meet them at the bus stop.  Hearing their voices, feeling the warmth of their hugs and the coolness of their wet kisses on your cheek is at times the only things you need to make everything right in the world.  

How does one go about preparing themselves to pick up the pieces after such a horrible tragedy?  Why does the same nightmare keep happening all over again and how do we begin to fix this problem?  ​

As I take the time to sit here and write this post, it all feels different.  I can't recall the moment it changed, but it did and I'm beyond thankful for that turning moment in my life.  

I've been running on fumes all week.  Early mornings and late nights.  Busy with my 9-5 and busy with challenging and pushing myself to dig deep and really get into my favorite past-time.  It's not that I have been slacking, it's quite the opposite.  I make it a point to create something every month, without the pressure of feeling as if I need to beat someone else to the finish line. It's a personal and attainable goal that makes me happy as a writer and creator.  At the end of the day that is what truly matters.

​​With a mind busier than the strongest working bee, I have been hitting the keyboard as if it was going to turn into a sea of mud at the stroke of midnight and my words would be forever lost.  I love the late-night thoughts, the hustle, and the feeling of clicking publish on yet another story, another tale, another FYI on gardening to-do's and not's, and giving another accolade to someone who has inspired me or maybe even the world.
​

​When I made my mind up that I was going to do what felt good, I created my website.  It was hard work, but it was simple, a tad generic, and all mine!  I spent quite a bit of time researching apps and fonts and making it feel like a breath of fresh air.  I know I have accomplished that, with a few minor tweaks here and there.  I also put a huge chunk of time into asking others for support.  A text here or there saying hey read my work.  Or perhaps in the midst of a conversation throwing in a subtle or not so subtle reminder that I have a website, and I, and it are amazing.  

As I said in my very first sentence, I can't recall the moment, but the purpose changed.  I am no longer consumed with those texts, or conversations asking for a comment here and there.  I am not embarrassed to allow my thoughts to flow freely, nor am I asking for permission to go for all that I know I deserve.  Don't misunderstand, I will always share my work where it's appreciated and without a doubt I want my work to be adored.  I have high hopes as I should.  I know there are times when I have made someone's morning a little brighter or offered midday inspiration and perhaps a thoughtful gesture because of something I have written.  

Evolving is a process that develops gradually and I thank God and this oh so amazing universe for walking with me along the way.

~AJ 💫

The saga is never-ending.  Just when I thought there would be nothing left to amaze me, I am amazed all over again.  Homeownership has taken me through a few things.  Some were self-inflicted and some were necessary to remain enclosed in four walls.  A tad bit exaggerated but please allow me to be extra when telling the events of my real-life true story!

Visions of perfection, the right shade of pink, or the muted and sexy shade of blue are the images I had in my mind when I walked into my home for the very first time.  If I'm being honest the vision I truly had was running in the opposite direction.  But, I digress, so what was saying again?  Oh yeah... Instead, I was slapped in the face with a dusty matte grey.  I hated it!  Well, fear not, my trusted followers, because my home is nothing like it used to be, except for a few rooms that I have yet to convert to a box of Crayola crayons.  I just close my eyes and take a pick and hope for the best color to excite me.  It's the most fun I have had with decorating and trust me I have done this quite a few times.

I've heard people say you shouldn't live for the weekend, well I certainly do!  I enjoy my weekdays, however, there is nothing like the weekend when I can truly let my hair down and exhale.

With only two days to absorb any and everything that is not of work-related jargon, I take in projects here and there.  Sitting down has never been my forte, which is probably the reason my grandmother would make the statement that I must have ants in my pants.  As confused as a child could be, hearing that statement, I kinda knew it meant I needed to sit down somewhere.  The problem was, I didn't know where that was, so I've been moving ever since.

My eyes target various weird things to get into.  Noticed a slight smudge on the entry door into my laundry room, which creates a scrubbing frenzy to remove any signs of stress and dirt.  Or perhaps, the baseboards that require close attention.  If you get too close to anything an imperfection or two is bound to pop out and make instant eye contact.  I'll just start at the basement level on my hands and knees cursing myself out along the way.    

After relocating, my body went through a few changes.  I'm not the same 24-year old so the recovery time was quite extensive.  I listened to this body of mine on most days, and when I didn't it caused a visit to the doctor who advised I had a herniated disc in my back and would need to take it easy.  As the doctor continued to speak a foreign language that I surely did not understand, I said no problem doc!   Ok, you might be wondering what the hell I was doing to get to this point, but I don't even know.  I mean I might have an idea or two, but who needs to talk about the past!  

Back to the story...

The move put me into a state of pause.  I felt as if certain things I loved to do had lost their flair and excitement.  I was no longer the busiest bee in the hive and that was alarming.  Cooking, decorating, and flowing into my own space.  I was in an adjustment period and needed time to unpack in a mental and physical sense.  Now that I feel rejuvenated, I find enjoyment in small, medium, and sometimes large-sized projects that I throw myself into.  Getting back into cooking meant I was finally in my happy zone.  

So, it's the second day of the workweek.  I vowed after my last project that I would sit down and do absolutely nothing.  But, that would be telling a lie and that just isn't my thing.  I found the cutest little paintbrushes for a tiny-sized project.  The grout in my guest bath is not of a color that makes me smile, so I bought grout paint.  Simple and exciting right?!  After this project, I have a few more but this is so easy I'll have it done in a flash.  It's the story I always tell myself.  Whether it's true or not will determine what new ideas I come up with. 

Therapy comes in ways you least expected.  I often speak of joy and finding peace as it is the backdrop of your life.  
​

​~AJ

I remember the series of events I am about to share with you as if it were yesterday.  I moved to Atlanta in the Fall of 1996 after spending the summer with my boyfriend's family at the Summer Olympics.  I had fallen head over heels in love with everything Georgia had to offer.  The weather, the people, and the smells were all infectious.  I was 23 and felt as if I could rule the world, yet I knew nothing about the world at that time and what would happen next.   The choice had already been made in my mind.  We were moving.  Our parents asked what we were doing, and we looked bewildered.  What do you mean?  We are moving and we are in love.  Aren't we???  But we had no idea about the meaning of true love and all that it meant.  

As we settled into our first apartment in Georgia it was something brand new and such an adventure.  If you asked me at the time how I felt I would without hesitation say it was the best time of my life. It was different, it was exciting and I felt a new level of freedom I had never felt before.  Time continued to move forward as it always does.  The excitement fades, bills are due and life happens.  I started working and met new people that led the way to interesting conversations and new ideas.  Suddenly I felt a sense of empowerment that I couldn't wait to share with my boyfriend.  

I love myself!  
​

Prior to the beginning of the new year, I can't say with any true certainty that I vowed to see my resolutions come true.  The reason being, I hadn't made any.  Duh!  As a planner and a bit of a perfectionist along with acknowledging my OCD about everything from the crookedness of the kitchen rug to the slant of the window curtain, I have accepted that things just are as they are meant to be and I am perfectly fine with those minor imperfections and this run-on sentence.   

Aside from being totally against resolutions this year, I planned to dive into my writing, get lost into the creativity of my keyboard.  The sounds under my fingertips that mean I am working, the clickety-clack of my nails that would annoy some sounds like a perfectly tuned melody to me.  I am thinking, creating, and sharing my thoughts with the world and that allows me to dive headfirst into my happy space.   Life is forever unexpected in the series of events that are waiting for you around the corner.  You simply never know what to expect.  Those events will sometimes cause a necessary pause, allowing time to completely heal and get back to who you are.  The beginning of my year has been a challenge, but I'm here, still standing and stronger than ever.  

Mental health is real and necessary to acknowledge.  

I have a goal to create a few new posts per month, however, as a creator, I have learned that pushing myself is not the proper way in order to create authentic work, which is what my brand is all about.  When the spirit moves me I will write and when the universe grabs hold of me and tells me to woosah for just a bit I shall listen.  

I feel rejuvenated and refreshed.  Restoring AJ was a promise I made to myself.  Told myself it was ok and perfectly normal to take that much-needed break.  The gift of writing doesn't fade when it's genuine.  

Feels good to be back doing what I love.  As mental health awareness is heightened please take the time to ensure you are ok.  Talk to those who will listen and find things you can submerge yourself into without overwhelming yourself all over again.  Or just do absolutely nothing, sometimes that serves as the medicine your body truly needs.

One of my favorite quotes is, "It's not rocket science so it's not that hard unless you are a rocket scientist and think it's super easy".  Yes, I made that up, but it makes sense!  

With all the love and positive vibes I can muster, I wish you all the best that life has in store for you.  

~AJ 💫

With a stretch and yawn as if I had just completed an Olympic-themed hibernation event I woke to a new day and a brand spanking new year!  I don't feel any different.  I'm not magically better at any one thing than I was on yesterday.  I slept for most of the New Year's Eve festivities and it truly felt perfectly normal for a change.  There is a small bit of jealously watching those who had a blowout party and danced the night away.  Then I am reminded of the times when I woke on the 1st day of the new year with a rocking hangover so that less than 1 percent of jealousy I mentioned earlier has quickly diminished into nothingness.  Besides, I am 49 and have no time for regrets and sideways ginger ale sips from the sofa all day.

I love new beginnings.  I always have.  The start of a new movie, a fresh new pair of boots, a crisp bag of chips just opened to a perfect level of freshness, and of course seeing the Amazon delivery truck outside my house, yet again.  If 50 First Dates was a person waiting for that blue truck to hang a right at the corner and stop in front of my house, it'd most certainly be me.  It's all in what moves you.  I'm pretty simple on most days.  I require normal things and try to give as much as I receive.  As a writer whose mind is wildly teetering between sanity vs insanity, I believe I have finally found my balance.

Writing gives me the freedom to escape from the reality of life when I choose and for that gift, I am forever thankful.

Reading through Happy New Year texts and social media posts this morning with one eye open while searching for my reading glasses makes my heart feel happy.  After the past couple of years, it's no surprise that we all want what feels like normal.  What tastes like fantasy and what makes you dream like you did when you allowed your thoughts to run completely free.  So how do we get back to all of that?  It's simple, you gotta allow yourself to.  Let go of what you feel you shouldn't be doing just because someone told you it was silly or because you are afraid of all of the great things that might happen.  One foot in front of the other is how I plan to step through life.  It isn't always rose petals perfectly laid, one because my cats would never allow me to be that great, but it is Chapter One and you can write it, however, your heart desires.  Go on an adventure and amaze yourself with what is waiting for you.

The deeper question here is, how much longer do I have to wish everyone I encounter a Happy New Year?!  My cutoff is somewhere between the end of today or February 1st.  Hey, what can I say I'm a sucker for giving well wishes.  

With love, light, and an overflow of blessings, I am wishing you the best that 2022 has to offer.  Sending you positive vibes and teleporting catchy beats you won't be able to erase from your memory no matter how many tequila shots you have.  

~AJ 🎊