There are so many topics we would rather not discuss, and death is most certainly one of them but it's part of a necessary agenda that we all must face. Can we block those uncomfortable discussions and feelings and replace them with thoughts that only bring joy? Sure, but that doesn't change the inevitable doom lingering in the background. Faced with despair, loss of direction on what to do next and the feeling that there is no hope, you find yourself stuck in a spiral of doubt that often times gets much worse before it gets better. If we could erase thoughts like a bad dream it would be an easy task but unfortunately that's not reality.
The one truism in life that I have learned to accept as I grow older is that we are all born into this world, and we will all surely die. What that day is we will never know and quite honestly I don't think it would bring on an amazing sense of comfort if we did. Take a movie for example. Part of the excitement is trying to figure out what is going to happen and preparing yourself for the ending. Would you still watch that movie if you knew the ending in advance? The answer is likely no as it would take away the mystery and excitement and give you nothing to look forward to. And for some the answer quite possibly might be yes, either way we have to learn to accept that everyone has their own way of dealing with the inevitable fate that is death.
Dreary topics are never at the top of our lists to cover, but talking has been known to introduce feelings you never knew you had and it helps in finding an outlet to release what's inside.
The art of grieving is a very up close and personal journey. The experience is different for each and every person. There are moments of overwhelming sadness, the lost love that you can no longer reach out and touch has become too much to bare and the question of why seems to come and go in spurts. So how do you begin the process of healing after death? Not sure that is a question that will ever be answered. Some days you feel amazing and other days you wish you could curse out everyone moving around you. People will want to console you and some will have no idea how to do just that. It's not always done intentionally, but some will say the wrong things, or is it that you don't care and you don't want to hear it. It's so much to take that it leaves little time to exhale the feelings that have taken over your body and you become angry, frustrated and mad at the whole entire world. You begin to disconnect yourself from the things that used to bring you so much joy. The body has a natural defense mechanism against that which is painful so it is perfectly natural to go into fight mode. You want what used to feel normal but the problem is, that has forever changed.
I've had my share of moments that seemed inconsolable, times when I couldn't see clearly because the tears were heavy enough to drown my vision, and feelings that I swore would never go away. I smile on some days and there are days when I remember what once was and I allow sadness to take over, but I continue to do it in my own way and my own time. It is important to remain conscious enough to never allow anyone to tell me or suggest how it should be done, or read some guide telling me what steps I should take to properly grieve. Life is a feeling and it's important to remember to simply do what feels right and what works for you, not someone else. It is perfectly fine to take a moment to yourself, spend time alone, and allow yourself to escape into your own mind.
Death is very mysterious, and I'm sure it was meant to be that way. There are things that are never meant to be understood and I have to believe it is for the best.
Respecting the art of grief is your way of saying to someone who is suffering with the loss of a loved one, 'I am here for you in whatever way you need me', sometimes without saying a word. It is also your way of acknowledging you are different now and that's ok. A few tweaks of adjustment here and there and you will find your proper footing and get back on your feet when the spirit moves you. 🕊
AJ writes & blogs from her home in Atlanta, GA. You can also find her work as a contributing writer at www.groovmagazine.com
"This is how you do it; you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard." -Neil Gaiman