Dating is absolutely nothing like the good ole days when a guy in class would slide you a note and inside it simply read, check yes or no if you like me. If you checked yes, you instantly had a boyfriend who would possibly hold your hand in between classes. If you checked no, well, prepare for that guy who liked you enough to write a sweet and endearing note with cute little check boxes to ignore you as if you were Casper the Friendly Ghost. You suddenly become invisible as if you never existed. Funny how that works! Maybe it seems a bit over-dramatic seeing as though hand-written notes were happening somewhere around the 7th & 8th grade. To the person on the receiving end of that note it felt like you were living out a scene in your favorite love story that your parents forbid you to watch.
By no stretch of the imagination does writing a note signify the beginning of a relationship, however everything has a starting point so just maybe this is how your destiny begins. Without having a crystal ball and the ingredients to make a special love potion to make him or her fall madly in love, you just have to stick it out and deal with it like the rest of us. Sure, beginners' guides are great to read if you are making a gingerbread house, but they are quite lackluster when the topic is dating and relationships. Get down and dirty with it and do it the old-fashioned way, the new millennial way or whatever way moves you and gets your heart pumping. It's all up to you, but make it fun, exciting and something to remember!
There is a fine art to all things creative. Dating and love is no exception. It takes honest, back breaking work but great things come to those who really want it and grind to get it, and most importantly keep it.
If a survey was taken ranging in age from 25-50 with the only question being, 'what is it that you truly desire in a relationship', the majority would come up short with a huge question mark hovering over their head. The main reason for this is because the majority of people have no idea what they want and need on their own let alone in a relationship. Unless you were as lucky as the last character in that toothache sweet movie you just watched where they simply walked across the street and bumped into their dream "person" while dropping the fresh oranges they just picked at the farmers market and it was love ever after, you will find that spending a bit of time alone is the best thing you could ever do for yourself and your love life. Yes, that was a run on sentence, but I think you get my point.
It has often been said the best way to get over someone is with another person. In some cases, this is quite true however it's also very painful and unfair to the other person. Why not give yourself time to get back to who you were prior to your last relationship in order to pause, exhale and refresh. Spend a bit of time getting back to the things you love to do, find ways to keep yourself busy and most importantly learn to be content with yourself while truly accessing all the things you need and do not need in preparation for what's to come. After all, you have to like, love and simply adore yourself before you can give your mind, body and soul to another. Maybe this way sounds lonely and depressing, but if what you have tried thus far is not working, why not give it a shot. You have absolutely everything to gain.
There is a movie that came out in 2001 called Serendipity about two strangers who meet and are immediately attracted to one another, but let fate decide whether they will end up together. How strong willed would one have to be to leave it all up to chance? As romantic and silly as that sounds, it's also quite magical and enchanting.
All stories do not begin nor do they end the same, as they never should. Whether you are in a relationship, fresh out of one or finding someone new you should always know what it is you want and how to go about getting it. Do you believe in destiny when it comes to matters of the heart? Are you with the person you are meant to be with for all eternity? Made you think I'm sure, because forever is a pretty long time! There is no rule that the person who believes in destiny will be granted a far better love than the person who doesn't. Either way it means you have given optimism a chance and you might just be willing to accept that handwritten note, because you never know.
When it's all said and done, the survey says you gotta just go for it. You are not going to find the magical fountain where you make a wish that the love of your life appears at the count of three. And if they do please run, swiftly! You are in control of many things but you can't control what is meant to be so just let it happen.
I once read an article on a different topic that pointed out the fundamentally foolhardy practice of writing a script and expecting people or situations to unfold as actors of that screenplay they didn’t know they were cast in. I have always considered matters of the heart’s successes and failures to correlate with that—with emphasis correlation and not causation. As such I try to take a more natural approach to meeting people. It’ll be the girl I met at work, or the girl I saw in the dining hall in college, or the girl who smiled and waved at the gym, or the girl I enjoy to make smile or laugh, or the girl that digs my incessant need to rhyme and let’s me write her poetry. One thing is always the same...I’m committed to just enjoy each other and see where it leads. Maybe to be best of platonic friends...maybe to the steamiest romance...maybe to the delicate combination of the two that is happily ever after. Or maybe we’ve always had those words exactly backwards and what’s important is are we happy we had the experience with that special person after, and grateful for it ever? I do think the great thing is the desire to enrich each other’s lives never leaves us. There’s something to adore about a boy and girl trying, and that one thing matures but we never stop vying!
Ah yes, so very true, just enjoy one another and see where it leads. You never know in a relationship what will come of it, and if we did it would surely take all of the fun and magic out of the whole entire process. Gotta just go for it and see what happens next, you might be pleasantly surprised. ☺️
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AJ is a creative writer and storyteller writing from her home in Indiana.
"This is how you do it; you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard." -Neil Gaiman