Life has a way of unexpectedly hitting you with a blow so hard you feel as though you were knocked into some alternate universe.  Quite dramatic perhaps, yet descriptive of the way my year started.  As I continue my thoughts, I hope that my story will enlighten you and possibly help you in some way.  

The writer inside of me has a goal and a vision.  I knew without a doubt how much I wanted and planned to create at the beginning of the year.  I had it all mapped out with my minimum starting point.  Than plan was to start with a blog post each week and if there is more, great, if there is a little less, still great, however, I was determined to meet my goal and remain committed. 

I often side chuckle, you know the side smirk kinda laugh that hasn't quite made it to the other side of your mouth?  Yeah, that one.  I side chuckle when I think of how funny it is when you think you are going to tell God just how things are going to go and He has something far greater in mind.

I knew before I got started that I was embarking upon a journey that would require all of my time, energy and emotions.  Yet like a moth to a flame I was drawn to the light.  As I watched the life before me I was taken back to my youth when I hoped on a wish and a prayer that my mom would say yes.  But she said no over and over again.  But why, I would ask?!  I felt as if it was a cruel punishment of sorts and would often cry my eyes out.

Now that I am a whole entire adult I make rash decisions on my own and then question my sanity and realize perhaps my mother was right all along.  Why did I get myself into this knowing I simply cannot stop.   It's formed as a question but covers as a rhetorical statement all day long.  There is also no reasonable answer, so I just go with it and keep this party bus moving right along.

The summer months offer a reprieve of sorts as the weather is mild and there is no threat of cold weather.  But fear not!  As the fall months approach I will setup the sleeping quarters which include a heated sleeping bed, heated water bowl and blocking the air from the end of my patio.  I do have an idea of closing the entire patio for the colder months, however, I am not sure if that is something I need to get myself into.  The wheels of this bus are definitely turning round and round.

My obsession with furry little meowing creatures started when I was a little girl. I absolutely love them and I still do.  I have a favorite and his or her name is Kitty.  I have been taking care of the constant visitor for over a year.  Like clockwork, I see that cute little face in the morning and afternoon.  Last week I got close enough to get a quick rub in.  The trust level is at an all time high.

I am a lot of things.  A daughter, a sister, an aunt, a best friend, a decorator and even a baker, but I am 1000% a certified cat lady.

~AJ 😽

The naked eye is very misleading when you attempt to balance design on an open canvas.  I didn't realize how off the light switch was until I hung the first picture.  It appears level, however, in most cases it is a close second to the leaning Tower of Pisa.  As I started working on my picture wall I knew I wanted to go with a color scheme but I wouldn't know what that was until I found my first picture.   Natural picture frames combined with black frames to add contrast and an even balance.   I incorporated canvas prints, mirrors and other things that simply make me smile.  It really is that easy.

Going big or going home is the motto here.  Once I started, it began to take on a life of its own.  Oh, I will add flowers to the wall and maybe a seashell, or even a porcelain mask I was gifted from Russia that spent over 10 years in a drawer collecting dust.  

​As I add more items I realize I shouldn't limit myself to one side of the hallway.  I will expand my feels into each nook and cranny I can find.  The space over the entry ways.  The little slither of wall space between the pantry and my room.  The eyes will truly go into overdrive and feel and bit overwhelmed but it will be something to remember.  My hallway of feels is like a big warm hug whenever you need it.  I will take that each and every day.

A few pictures below to show the progress I have made.  I can't rush this feeling.  I will know what goes up next when I feel it in my anxious bones.  

It's a phenomenon that many people experience, this inexplicable emotional connection to inanimate objects. Some call it sentimental value, while others might label it as irrational attachment. Whichever way you perceive it, there is no denying the power these objects hold over our hearts and minds.

For me, it was always the clothes that held the strongest grip on my emotions. Each piece represented a chapter in my life, a memory I could touch and feel. The faded favorite slim blue jeans I wore every week, the tattered tank top that reminded me of a carefree summer, or the worn-out sweater that had seen better days. They were all threads in the tapestry of my life, intertwined with the fabric of my memories.

But as time passed and my closet grew more cluttered, I realized that holding onto every single item was becoming an overwhelming task. The symphony of chaos that played whenever I opened my closet doors had become a burden, a constant reminder of the emotional weight I carried.

This Saturday starts just like any other day, with a few exceptions to note.  I had an amazing cup of coffee.  True coffee lovers will tell you it isn't real if it's decaf, but I beg to differ since it tastes like the real thing.  My blaring cell phone alarm didn't go off and I didn't have to hit snooze approximately 5 times before I decided to crawl out of bed.  The desire to leave the warmth of my thick and cozy comforter to prepare myself for a week of work is never as exciting as the alternative.  What is the alternative?  The weekend, of course.  For whatever reason leaving the comforts of my comforter feel different on Saturday & Sunday.  Go figure...

Snow fell overnight.  I know because there is a different and special brightness coming from my bedroom window and in all honesty, I checked the weather app to make sure my prediction was right.  

It's 8:15 a.m.!  For me, that exclamation speaks volumes as I rarely sleep in this late.   My body has grown accustomed to the hustle and bustle of the work week when I am typically up around 6:30 every morning.   If my body needs rest on the weekend, I allow myself enough grace to absorb all that I can before my mind starts to get busy and lost in thousands of whirly twirly ideas I can come up with before Monday creeps back around like the stalker it is.

During this time of the year, it feels so grey and boring.  I feel as if I am looking at the world through a black-and-white distorted lens.  The birds aren't chirping, the flowers aren't blooming and everything is dormant.  In my selfishness, I long for all the things to be vibrant and beautiful around me because I know it allows my happiness to soar at an all-time high. Pushing my desires aside, I learned to appreciate the beautiful process that all things must take in order to come back stronger and better than ever.  There is a time for rest that is necessary for the rebirth of all things. 

Mentally and physically preparing for the weekend because that's what you do when you have an overactive imagination.  My niece wanted to spend the weekend with me.  She's a teenager now so the interactions are different.  The conversations are starting to change and I can see the growth.  I see my younger self in her and I'm excited for her life.  The hindsight is a gift.  You always hear how time flies, and it's so amazingly true.  

If you stop and smell the roses long enough you can see what it's all about.  What the reasons are for simply being and living a life of purpose, smothered and covered in peace.  God is good, life is good, the journey is good, the experiences are good.  I realize it's all in what you make it to be with a perfectly executed weekend to match. 

~AJ 

Here I am again, this same time and place as I was last year.   Celebrating another year of life, another year of growth, inspiration, purpose, and peace.  As the years continue to go by, much faster it seems, I have learned to appreciate each and every one of them for what they bring.  

As a younger woman, with not one single clue in the world, I had a notion etched in my brain that 50 anything was ancient and so amazingly old.  The mere mention of anyone around that age resulted in instant laughter and a sometimes innocent igornant approach towards life.  I simply didn't know any better.  Hindsight is so blatantly obvious at this point in time of my life that I smirk as I remisince on my 'younger' thoughts.

As I continue to age, I realize that it was never what I thought it would be.  The grey hairs are quite bold, yet beautiful in a way that reminds me of my grandparents.  The back aches come and go and with them come a few extra oohs and ahhs.  The need to be out and about just isn't the same as it once was.  

The everything in and about life is just different.

I am in awe of how beautiful life is at this age.  I'm grateful, blessed and so amazingly happy for all that my eyes have seen and all that is to come.  The graceful season of aging in peace, joy, love and an endless amount of blessings, is where I am.

Happy Birthday to me!  

~AJ #51 🎂

I'm not sure when the dreams began, however, I recall being immersed in this mind-boggling, sometimes emotional, other times frightening, most definitely weird, and very often, mesmerizing and emotionally stimulating place, and I wanted more.  It was and still is a safe addiction, and I am ok with that.

It became my 'thing'.  Oh wow, would you look at the time, well let me turn in for the night because chances are I have something waiting for me in what always felt as if I was stepping into another realm of reality.

My imagination has always been on another level, which I believe lends a hand in where I allow my mind to go when I am resting.  As a writer, I see it as a gift that keeps on giving.

My dreams have taken me to places full of the most beautiful colors.  My dreams have taken me down dark and dreary roads that led to an open palace of floating pillows and peaceful music.  My dreams have also led me on a search and find for a special person, only to stumble upon one single horse leg.  In reality, the sight would make any person scream in horror, however, in my dream, I picked it up in hopes I would stumble upon this horse with 3 legs and somehow re-attach it.  I recall a recurring dream when I was a teenager and it has never happened again.   It's not too often that I dream of people close to me, family or friends, but it does happen here and there.  The faces that I see are typically that of a stranger and the moment I awake the images forever vanish, never to return.  There are nightmares, however, I realize that only happens when I have eaten something that didn't quite agree with me.

Dreams are weird.  They reside on the other side of fear and allow my wild imagination to take flight!
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There was a period of time when I did not dream as often.  I was in the middle of moving which is very stressful and I didn't feel relaxed.  I grew a bit worried as dreaming was my getaway in a sense and I wanted them to return.  In my past research on what dreams meant and why a person would have them so often I have read that dreams typically happen when a person is stressed or going through something mentally.  I beg to differ and I can tell you that is quite the opposite.  When the stress began to leave, my vivid dreams returned.  Not every night, but very often.  Describing the feeling is hard for someone who doesn't experience what I do, so I tend to keep them to myself unless they are just too weird not to share. 

I used to keep a notepad by my bed to immediately jot down the details of my dreams and then google what it could possibly mean.  It's my dream, so how would another person be able to tell me why I was floating on a magic carpet with my coworker.  

Last night I dreamt I was in jail.  I have no idea what I could have possibly done to land there, but I can tell you with great certainty when I awoke, I was in my nice cozy bed, smiling from ear to ear.  I no longer wonder where my dreams come from, I simply allow my mind to run free and take me on a journey.

​~AJ 💭

As the clock struck midnight, I was leaving my wonder years behind and crossing over into what I call, the other side of 50.  It’s a milestone.  After all, I have been floating around this great universe for half a century, that surely has to count for something!  A celebration, a look back over the years full of changes, growth, and lessons learned with some being very hard and some showing me the reasons why.  Either way, I was looking forward to this next journey.  It goes without saying that even though I feel prepared for this next phase there are some questions about how I will handle what is to come.

Growing older is a gift that I cherish and never take lightly.  Part of growing older is wondering what life after 50 will be like. Will I still be able to enjoy life as much as before? Or will I have to slow down and take things easy? These questions can be daunting, but there is much to look forward to as any of us who are faced with these questions enter the second half of our lives.

Great change and opportunity don’t magically end because you have added that extra year to your life. While it may be tempting to slow down and take it easy, there are many reasons to embrace this new chapter of life. From pursuing new hobbies and interests to spending more time with loved ones.  It’s important to remember that everyone has a different story, but there is so much to enjoy and appreciate as you grow wiser and evolve into the best you.

As a writer, I often speak on what’s in my heart, what affects me and the things that matter.

On this latest episode of Being Black in America...

Recent gun violence has and continues to take its toll on so many lives. Losing a loved one at the hands of evil is the most unimaginable pain to have to face. After the shooting in Uvalde, Texas last year, my hope was shattered, it was devastating to know that so many bright young smiles were taken away.

​And here we are again. Another mass shooting in Nashville Tennessee that took the lives of three 9 year old students and three adults. When does it end and when will change happen?

Well… Rep. Gloria Johnson, Rep. Justin Jones & Rep. Justin Pearson staged a demonstration on the House floor calling for gun reform and leading chants with a bullhorn. In an effort to have their voices heard after their microphones were cut off whenever they raised the topic of discussion, they took matters into their own hands to get their points across by any means necessary.
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But no one ever likes to address the elephant in the room.  Imagine that

Two of the state representatives were expelled.  And what a shocker, they just happen to be black.  Rep. Gloria Johnson was not expelled although she participated in the same demonstration.
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The message is loud, but far from clear. Saying that Jones and Pearson had a “history” of being disruptive during proceedings is backed by nothing but fear of those who are outspoken and go against the grain. What that actually means, they should have known their place as two young, powerful and brave black men and only said what the others wanted them to hear.

I commend these young leaders for speaking up, for making steps towards a change even if those who don’t agree try to silence them.  The ignorance is amazingly scary… this has only wakened so many who will walk with them.

I stand in support of their message, their commitment, the bravery it took to be bold, to speak up and be looked at as strange and different and most of all I pray for this continued fight and their safety.
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#thetennesseethree #gunreform #protectkidsnotguns

​~AJ 🙏🏾

This world is so wicked right?!  So many opinions and hatred towards another person just because their melanin is popping. Imagine that!

I will forever be amazed by the ability of society to separate black and white and make one gesture ok for one but not the other.

As Reese stated, “I don’t fit in the box that y’all want me to be in. I’m too hood, I’m too ghetto. So this was for the girls that look like me, that’s gonna speak up on what they believe in, that’s unapologetically you.” Congrats to Angel and her amazing team in this monumental and historic victory!  Keep riding this wave, living life, and shining bright young queen!
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When I see her, I see my nieces. I see the beauty in who they are and I will always encourage them to be the best of whatever they choose and to go after their wildest dreams. After all, the world is all of ours, not just one race.

This has been another episode of Black Girl Magic 💜

​~AJ