As a member of the aging adult club I can officially say that I have entered the second half of my life.  This next phase of adulthood presents a much different view than my quote on quote, younger years.  Also known as the first half.  It might sound like a bit of doom and gloom, but make no mistake about it, I feel the best I have ever felt.  I have this sense of youth coupled with many grueling self-inflicted activities that keep me young in a physical sense and often times young at heart.

There has always been this relentless need to belong.  To be a part of the cool clique.  For that select chosen few to ‘get it’ and more importantly, get you.  Where does this need actually come from and who says that any one single person on the face of this planet has to accept you and deem you their person?  If I had the answer to that rhetorical statement, yet phrased as a semi question this would perhaps be a different topic of my thoughts.

It is certainly a gift to vividly remember my younger years.  If you follow stage plays or film, you are familiar with what’s called the three-act structure.  The first act, also known as the setup, introduces the protagonist, their world, and what truly lays the foundation for the rest of the film.  The second act brings about challenges and obstacles to overcome, also known as the meat of the story, when all the juicy bits happen.  The third act introduces resolution of conflicts.  As it plays out in a film, the story can go in many different directions, and is widely left open for the interpretation of the viewer. 

During our younger years we typically have little to no worries.  Seeming to float through life filled with giggles, a few bad choices, and hitting repeat until we get it as close to right as possible.  I have harmoniously landed somewhere between acts 2 & 3.  A few obstacles to tackle, met with challenges that have often left me scratching my head.  Yet, here I remain. Forever thankful for the outlet of creation.  A place where I am free to be completely me without judgment or need for the approval I mentioned earlier.
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As I prepare the stage for my next act, I am rehearsing my lines and taking notes, after all, I am the leading character in this story, my story, and it's a beautiful thing.

~AJ

This day is just as any other.  I wake early and mentally start planning how I want the events of the next 10 hours to flow.  The moment both feet hit the ground it can go in a few different directions.  Will I be creative and put a few additional holes in a wall somewhere in the house, research a new idea that can last for hours and hours, or perhaps relax and allow the creativity of others entertain me?  I am very well versed in doing all on any given day.  It depends on the energy that flows throughout my overactive brain.

But perhaps it's not just any other day.  After all, it is Valentine's Day.  The day of love, lovers, loveless, hopeless, endless, seamless romantics. It seems to hit a little differently when you are single.  I can guarantee with absolute certainty that this is due to the media frenzy behind, in front, and around this day.  The commercials, the ads, the sales, the flowers, the candy, the gifts, the dinners, followed by the oohs and the ahhs.  

All super cute and sweet reminders that I am single...It might sound as if I have nothing but disdain for this day, but it is quite the opposite.  
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I have been single for a little over 6 years.  At the beginning of my new journey days like this would piss me off.  I would make myself emotionally absent from caring about anything remotely related to love.  As I began to grow, I learned what makes me happy.  What I can't deal with and what I cannot live without.  

Embracing peace allowed me to fall in love with myself.  Without love of self you can't be any good to another, and with the absence of peace is the illusion of confusion.  

I wanted something wonderful to eat today, per usual, so I went to the market and grabbed a few things.  I was tempted to buy myself flowers, but the prices blew me back to the time I was dating a silly boy and wished I wasn't.  I will wait until the prices are lower than my mortgage.  There are subtle reminders all around me that continue to nudge me in the right direction, and I'm looking forward to arriving at the next destination.  I give myself grace to simply be who I was always meant to be.  Happy, joyful, and blessed, even if I am a single Valentine.  

Talking to myself has become a sense of therapy and I find that I often ask, "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?"  Because I do...

​Happy Valentine's Day!  💕

The years seem to go by faster and faster these days.  Wishing time would slow down just a bit, however, I am also enjoying the ride.  The older I get, the more grey hairs I see and I laugh as I realize I am not as quick to cover them as I have been in the past.  I have opened my eyes to more beauty in aging than I ever thought I would.  A gift.  Life that is.  What a joy it is to continue growing older and wiser, as some are not afforded the same luxury.

This year was quite simple and so much fun.  Lunch, desserts, cards, hugs and well wishes.  A girl could ask for so much more, but this was absolutely perfect.

I feel good as I embrace simplicity.  It is often overlooked and underrated, and on this day, my day, I can enjoy this peace that radiates from within.  As the day winds down, I will pour myself a glass of champagne and find a good movie to watch that I will most likely miss as I fall asleep.  Reflecting on another glorious dance around the sun.  I've done this same dance 52 times now.  A blessing it truly is.

As I attempt to age in reverse, my wrist aches from yard work in the spring and my back is always in some type of pain.  Little hints and reminders that I am real, that this isn't just another wild dream.  

Happy Birthday to me 🎂

How many times have you picked up a book with the intention of devoting enough time in the day to truly dive in and embrace the characters?  Yet for some reason, halfway through you lose interest and now your focus has shifted once again.  Perhaps you finally make a list of the supplies you will need to start that DIY project you have been putting off for months, but you just never seem to find enough time in the day to get around to it.  Or just maybe you have no idea what you are about to get yourself into, how it will happen, or how it will all work out once the dust settles and the smoke finally clears.  You will likely never know all the answers, however, the secret to starting over is that it only has to make sense to you. 

New beginnings often represent a pivotal moment in our lives, a chance to redefine ourselves and our paths. They can arise from various circumstances, whether it's a new job, moving to a different place, ending a relationship, or even embarking on a personal project. Each of these transitions can feel daunting, yet they also hold immense potential for growth and transformation.

You have to know who is for you and who isn’t. Not every single person on the face of this planet has to catch your vibe. Guess what? That’s totally ok.

Not every single friend your good friends are friends with need to be your friend. When it’s not right you will know. Feel me?

There are some clingers hanging onto your life because they are nosey. Let them stay until their presence makes your eyeballs roll all the way to the back. They are unhappy and miserable because you continue to smile and shine at the same damn time. Plot twist; block them when it starts to get really good. They will totally hate that

Sometimes it involves walking away from situations and people that simple bring out the worst in you. If you don’t, the outlook is quite sad and the perception of you is left up to the interpretation of clowns.

Get it? Got it? Good!

~AJ

Life has a way of unexpectedly hitting you with a blow so hard you feel as though you were knocked into some alternate universe.  Quite dramatic perhaps, yet descriptive of the way my year started.  As I continue my thoughts, I hope that my story will enlighten you and possibly help you in some way.  

The writer inside of me has a goal and a vision.  I knew without a doubt how much I wanted and planned to create at the beginning of the year.  I had it all mapped out with my minimum starting point.  Than plan was to start with a blog post each week and if there is more, great, if there is a little less, still great, however, I was determined to meet my goal and remain committed. 

I often side chuckle, you know the side smirk kinda laugh that hasn't quite made it to the other side of your mouth?  Yeah, that one.  I side chuckle when I think of how funny it is when you think you are going to tell God just how things are going to go and He has something far greater in mind.

I knew before I got started that I was embarking upon a journey that would require all of my time, energy and emotions.  Yet like a moth to a flame I was drawn to the light.  As I watched the life before me I was taken back to my youth when I hoped on a wish and a prayer that my mom would say yes.  But she said no over and over again.  But why, I would ask?!  I felt as if it was a cruel punishment of sorts and would often cry my eyes out.

Now that I am a whole entire adult I make rash decisions on my own and then question my sanity and realize perhaps my mother was right all along.  Why did I get myself into this knowing I simply cannot stop.   It's formed as a question but covers as a rhetorical statement all day long.  There is also no reasonable answer, so I just go with it and keep this party bus moving right along.

The summer months offer a reprieve of sorts as the weather is mild and there is no threat of cold weather.  But fear not!  As the fall months approach I will setup the sleeping quarters which include a heated sleeping bed, heated water bowl and blocking the air from the end of my patio.  I do have an idea of closing the entire patio for the colder months, however, I am not sure if that is something I need to get myself into.  The wheels of this bus are definitely turning round and round.

My obsession with furry little meowing creatures started when I was a little girl. I absolutely love them and I still do.  I have a favorite and his or her name is Kitty.  I have been taking care of the constant visitor for over a year.  Like clockwork, I see that cute little face in the morning and afternoon.  Last week I got close enough to get a quick rub in.  The trust level is at an all time high.

I am a lot of things.  A daughter, a sister, an aunt, a best friend, a decorator and even a baker, but I am 1000% a certified cat lady.

~AJ 😽

The naked eye is very misleading when you attempt to balance design on an open canvas.  I didn't realize how off the light switch was until I hung the first picture.  It appears level, however, in most cases it is a close second to the leaning Tower of Pisa.  As I started working on my picture wall I knew I wanted to go with a color scheme but I wouldn't know what that was until I found my first picture.   Natural picture frames combined with black frames to add contrast and an even balance.   I incorporated canvas prints, mirrors and other things that simply make me smile.  It really is that easy.

Going big or going home is the motto here.  Once I started, it began to take on a life of its own.  Oh, I will add flowers to the wall and maybe a seashell, or even a porcelain mask I was gifted from Russia that spent over 10 years in a drawer collecting dust.  

​As I add more items I realize I shouldn't limit myself to one side of the hallway.  I will expand my feels into each nook and cranny I can find.  The space over the entry ways.  The little slither of wall space between the pantry and my room.  The eyes will truly go into overdrive and feel and bit overwhelmed but it will be something to remember.  My hallway of feels is like a big warm hug whenever you need it.  I will take that each and every day.

A few pictures below to show the progress I have made.  I can't rush this feeling.  I will know what goes up next when I feel it in my anxious bones.  

It's a phenomenon that many people experience, this inexplicable emotional connection to inanimate objects. Some call it sentimental value, while others might label it as irrational attachment. Whichever way you perceive it, there is no denying the power these objects hold over our hearts and minds.

For me, it was always the clothes that held the strongest grip on my emotions. Each piece represented a chapter in my life, a memory I could touch and feel. The faded favorite slim blue jeans I wore every week, the tattered tank top that reminded me of a carefree summer, or the worn-out sweater that had seen better days. They were all threads in the tapestry of my life, intertwined with the fabric of my memories.

But as time passed and my closet grew more cluttered, I realized that holding onto every single item was becoming an overwhelming task. The symphony of chaos that played whenever I opened my closet doors had become a burden, a constant reminder of the emotional weight I carried.

This Saturday starts just like any other day, with a few exceptions to note.  I had an amazing cup of coffee.  True coffee lovers will tell you it isn't real if it's decaf, but I beg to differ since it tastes like the real thing.  My blaring cell phone alarm didn't go off and I didn't have to hit snooze approximately 5 times before I decided to crawl out of bed.  The desire to leave the warmth of my thick and cozy comforter to prepare myself for a week of work is never as exciting as the alternative.  What is the alternative?  The weekend, of course.  For whatever reason leaving the comforts of my comforter feel different on Saturday & Sunday.  Go figure...

Snow fell overnight.  I know because there is a different and special brightness coming from my bedroom window and in all honesty, I checked the weather app to make sure my prediction was right.  

It's 8:15 a.m.!  For me, that exclamation speaks volumes as I rarely sleep in this late.   My body has grown accustomed to the hustle and bustle of the work week when I am typically up around 6:30 every morning.   If my body needs rest on the weekend, I allow myself enough grace to absorb all that I can before my mind starts to get busy and lost in thousands of whirly twirly ideas I can come up with before Monday creeps back around like the stalker it is.

During this time of the year, it feels so grey and boring.  I feel as if I am looking at the world through a black-and-white distorted lens.  The birds aren't chirping, the flowers aren't blooming and everything is dormant.  In my selfishness, I long for all the things to be vibrant and beautiful around me because I know it allows my happiness to soar at an all-time high. Pushing my desires aside, I learned to appreciate the beautiful process that all things must take in order to come back stronger and better than ever.  There is a time for rest that is necessary for the rebirth of all things. 

Mentally and physically preparing for the weekend because that's what you do when you have an overactive imagination.  My niece wanted to spend the weekend with me.  She's a teenager now so the interactions are different.  The conversations are starting to change and I can see the growth.  I see my younger self in her and I'm excited for her life.  The hindsight is a gift.  You always hear how time flies, and it's so amazingly true.  

If you stop and smell the roses long enough you can see what it's all about.  What the reasons are for simply being and living a life of purpose, smothered and covered in peace.  God is good, life is good, the journey is good, the experiences are good.  I realize it's all in what you make it to be with a perfectly executed weekend to match. 

~AJ