Men Are From Mars...

There is no comparison to look at here.  Men are clearly from another planet, and Mars sounds about right.  I'm just trying to figure out when the ship is coming back to pick them up and drop off a new batch.  Let me start off with my disclaimer.  Yes, I know not all men are walking around portraying themselves as humans, while being 100% alien.  

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I along with several of my female counterparts all across the world would like to know, what's the deal?  Why has dating become so hard?  Why are men so closed off when it comes to expressing themselves emotionally?  And why is it necessary to play mind games when it's so easy to simply be honest.  So many questions, and I'm not sure I have all the answers.

If you have ever sat down with your elders and listened to their stories of courtship, love, and commitment it is quite understandable to feel a need to achieve this level of undeniable love before you reach your golden years.  Or perhaps, you have watched one too many love stories and allowed an unhealthy obsession with the made-up theories of love to shadow what love should actually be, feel, sound, and taste like.  Yep, with love, everything tastes better.  Can't find this seasoning in any store though.  Bummer huh?!

Navigating through the dating world is like going on a cross-country adventure with a half tank of gas, no road map, and a dead cell phone.  Seems literally impossible that anything good will come out of this situation.  

Numerous conversations with many women and the stories are all the same.  Missed phone calls, broken promises, the inability to commit for longer than 2 hours, and if I'm pushing it, 3 months tops.  How many times must one go through the same old song and dance?!  Hi, my name is AJ and in my spare time, I like to... Why don't we skip all of that mumbo-jumbo and get to the good part.  The parts that involve your intentions and what you are looking for.  It shouldn't be too much to ask, however, that would mean the process is easy and unfortunately that isn't always the way this story goes.  

So it begins, the arduous task of peeling back the layers only to find a little green man underneath.  I'd much rather not, so never mind.  And back to the drawing board I go without chalk in hand.  An endless sea of disappointment.  Yey, said no woman ever!
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Relationships are like a walk in the park.  Jurassic Park.

​Not spoken of enough, however, men go through their own versions of insecurity, embarrassment, and fear when it comes to dating and the dreadful conversation of settling down.  Yes, it is true.  Feeling as though they are not enough, that emotion begins to turn into confusion and hurt by being dishonest and unable to communicate.  Past mistakes that continue to come up can push a man into a corner to the point where he says it's better to let the idea of a relationship go and pursue something that isn't so hard.  Commitment phobia that sometimes makes a grand entrance after the 'honeymoon' phase of a relationship,  Doesn't have to be this way.   No one wins when someone leaves feeling betrayed and lonely.  All good things take time and patience to mold into what works for two people.  Society has gotten to a place where the 'bad boy' persona is celebrated and sexy while being the opposite is boring and a buzz kill.   

In my opinion, dating took a dive around 2010 and it hasn't gotten much better.  It's as if men started to believe there were no rules to follow, and they began to follow behaviors that were less than ideal.  Not being cool to be in love took hold and shook the sense out of some.  You can check the little box that says you really like this woman, want the best for her and your friends will still talk to you.  Not everyone has to follow suit, be your own man and step outside of the box.

So you have this list of expectations.  Good for you!!  It's perfectly normal and you are well within your rights to outline your laundry-sized list to anyone who claims an interest.  If the person starts to sprint in the other direction, the red flag has been presented and you should cross that option off of your list of potentials.  The naysayers will try convincing you that having expectations is setting yourself up for failure.  I obviously beg to differ.

The butterflies when he enters the building, the altered pitch of your voice when he picks up the phone to call, and the invites to the summer cookouts together.  All of these feel good vibes are worth it, for the right person, so don't make a woman feel these things unless you are ready for the journey that lies ahead.  

Men categorize women the very first time they meet.  The sizing up starts, and they determine at that point what role, if any you will play in their lives.   Don't get me wrong, women do the same, however, we are more vocal when we want something and when we don't.  So, let's leave the games to the toddlers and get into this conversation about who you are, and how to maturely meet in the middle to achieve that classic type of love, or not.  Honesty works wonders, so give it a good old college try.  Little things speak volumes and effort is the new sexy.

When it's all said and done, we all want to feel love, and experience the highs and lows when it comes to dating.  Preferably more highs.  If you feel that the whole process is hard work, you are absolutely right.  Nothing good comes without putting in work and opening yourself to the possibilities. 

"I'm not socially awkward, I'm just not from this planet" -Author Unknown

~AJ 🛸