Have you ever noticed that nearly every situation and encounter, you are asked about your relationship status or lack thereof? Visiting the doctor, catching up with friends, applying for a loan, adopting a pet, shoe shopping, and pretty much any situation you can think of or exaggerate about. Trust me when I say the list is never ending and it only seems to grow as we get older.
Maybe for some the end goal is not necessarily to find a soulmate, but to find their version of happy with someone who makes them smile at least 3 times a week and asks them how their day was. It is perfectly fine to want something different than the status quo. Commercials, ads, songs, movies, society, friends and even family push standards, trends, and beliefs our way without knowing what we truly need, and without realizing it we begin to accept all of those things and embrace and seek what others say we 'should' be looking for and ultimately lose a bit of ourselves in the process.
Is it possible that you are not finding your special person because you are asking for too much or doing too little? Or does it simply mean that you are just not ready? A million questions and even more doubts will leave you exhausted and completely and totally uninterested in the whole entire process. The truth of the matter is, we all want that love we have read about, watched in movies and even fantasized about. The discussion of dating and what someone is looking for has become a painful topic for both men and women. Most people on any given day would much rather talk about rocket science or global warming rather than matters of the heart.
I have talked to both men and women who claim they knew they had met their soulmate the moment they laid eyes on that person. It could have been a sway of her hips, a flick of her hair, an innocent smile and a warm hello, or it could have been his chiseled face, his tall demanding presence, his deep intoxicating voice or his firm yet gentle grasp of her hand. All of those things sound amazingly magical and perfect, right??? Well, it's not always as perfect as a fairy tale, but it can be. The relationship may have started rocky, or at one point it seemed as if the hardest thing to fathom was the two of you being intertwined in a way that allows you to feel like you are defeating odds just by being in one another's presence. Some call it fate, and some simply call it the way of life, but very few people recognize it as two souls meeting in the middle and are often reluctant to label that interestingly dynamic person as their soulmate because of the fear of the unknown. The ability to learn to grow with another person while allowing them to make an impact in your life is a gift. The problem is, most don't know how to receive what is meant for them because they have become so accustomed to believing that it would never happen for them so it must be wrong.
It has been said that chivalry died with the inception of dating websites, social media, and texting while others feel as though all of those things make relationships exciting and amazing. There are people as timeless as a 1950's classic while there are some who tend to believe if you receive a text a day then you are the one and it's time to send out save the date announcements to your closest friends and family. How do you know when you have met the person who will forever change your life? The person who makes your spirit, soul and energy thrive with passion and fire that no one before them ever could. That someone who connects with your mind, body and spirit and makes you believe that anything is possible in life and love. Is this person your version of perfect and will you claim him or her as your soulmate? One truism in life, perfect has never existed and it never will. What you believe in, want and desire for yourself does exist and it is very much real. Learn to embrace what works for you, not your friends, not your family, or anyone else, just YOU.
Fear has been known to make a person run for the hills if they see one red flag, one misread text, one inconsistency, and that's it! While it would be great to have the ability to know someone's intentions right away, it kind of takes away the excitement, the mystery, and the fun of getting to know someone new. After failed relationships and with age comes wisdom, right? One would hope. The truth is, we may go through heartbreak, defeat, and honestly it may seem that most times you are spinning your wheels and going against the grain but you still pick up the pieces and try again. Remaining hopeful is key, even if 'what if' is hovering over you like a constant text bubble.
Even after all of that, sometimes you return right back to square one. Trying to figure out if the guy in the produce section squeezing the cantaloupes while staring you down is a huge fan of cooking shows and quite possibly your soulmate, or if he is going for creep of the year award.
There is no perfect recipe, no magical blueprint on what steps you should take first when searching or waiting for the 'one'. Amazing things seem to happen when we least expect it, and before you know it your life has changed in an instant. The belief that soulmates and rainbow colored unicorns don't exist just because most of us haven't seen either yet is just silly. Believe in something magical for a chance and watch how the universe shines on you.
Until next time, dream big, love hard and be hopeful.
AJ writes & blogs from her home in Atlanta, GA. You can also find her work as a contributing writer at www.groovmagazine.com
"This is how you do it; you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard." -Neil Gaiman