With Grace Through The Pain

Life has a way of unexpectedly hitting you with a blow so hard you feel as though you were knocked into some alternate universe.  Quite dramatic perhaps, yet descriptive of the way my year started.  As I continue my thoughts, I hope that my story will enlighten you and possibly help you in some way.  

The writer inside of me has a goal and a vision.  I knew without a doubt how much I wanted and planned to create at the beginning of the year.  I had it all mapped out with my minimum starting point.  Than plan was to start with a blog post each week and if there is more, great, if there is a little less, still great, however, I was determined to meet my goal and remain committed. 

I often side chuckle, you know the side smirk kinda laugh that hasn't quite made it to the other side of your mouth?  Yeah, that one.  I side chuckle when I think of how funny it is when you think you are going to tell God just how things are going to go and He has something far greater in mind.

It was Friday, February 2nd, a regular day just like all the rest.  The exception was that it was the end of the week and the beginning of my weekend, which meant I got a reprieve from the crazy work week.  I start my mornings talking to the cats, both inside and out.  Open the blinds to allow the morning light to flow into my space, and get ready for my day.  It's early, I have a cup of coffee and log in to work.  I always like to touch base with my mom first thing in the morning.  Just to drop a line to say hello and see how she is doing.  I follow a routine and rarely deviate.  Mom said she was headed out with my sister to run a few errands and pick up something for her bestie who lives across the street.  

My phone rings and it's my sister calling to tell me mom had a fall.  What???  How???  Ok, well everything is ok, right?  Her ankle is swollen and she had a hard time getting up but I was able to get her back into the car and we are headed to urgent care.   Heart racing, I immediately advised my manager that I had an emergency and needed to meet my mom and sister.  I called my brother at work to let him know everything that is going on.  Initially thinking it was a bad sprain, the x-ray proved we were wrong and it was an awful break of her lower leg in three places and we were advised to proceed to the ER.  Shocked and stunned at how fast everything shifted in just a matter of minutes, we all had to be present and be there for our mother.

My heart was sunken and in a state of panic and worry.  I wished I could take over for my mom and lay there instead of her.  Out of support, love, and courage for my mother, I vowed to remain strong and never let my emotions show, but deep down my stomach was in knots and I wanted to burst into tears.

When my brother arrived at the ER, we spent the next several hours pacing as the doctors and nurses tried to pop mom's ankle back into place.  Holding my mother's hand I was heartbroken as she cried out in pain, yet no tears fell from her eyes.  This would be the first glimpse into the true strength that my 82-year-old mother carries with her.  As the surgeon entered the room he advised from looking at the x-ray that the next step would be surgery to repair her leg.  Once again heartbreak.  With reduced blood flow to her foot and time not being on our side, mom had to make a decision.  We all had to make a decision.  Mom asked what we thought.  We were all concerned but we were honest and shared our thoughts and encouragement.  

Thankful for the power and love of siblings.  💕
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The time is now to weigh the pros and cons.  An 82-year-old heart patient with a pacemaker.  No time to wait the standard 3 days to allow the blood thinners enough time to leave her system, because at this point the fear was the loss of a limb.  Will there be severe cutting on mom's leg and what is the recovery time?  So many questions, and some answers, but more fear and doubt than anything.  After a brief consult with her cardiologist, we felt like we were able to come to a conclusion.  We had no time to research this foot surgeon who came in like a superhero out of nowhere.  He was there, we were there and mom needed immediate care.

As they took mom down to surgery we walked with her, she smiled as she normally does, no tears in sight.  Yet again, another glimpse into her amazing strength.  Giving hugs and love to mom, we all shared our moments and told her how much we loved her.  

The surgeon initially told us the procedure would last about an hour and a half.  Mom's bestie called to pray with us and we bowed our heads and received her words with a reassurance that all would be fine.  After the two-hour mark I continued looking at the status screen and grew worried.  Mom was the only patient in surgery.  By this time it was late and surgery did not start until after 10 p.m.  I had enough time to google the surgeon and I was relieved to read such positive and inspiring reviews.  As another hour passed and the surgeon walked in we all popped up with anticipation to hear his update.  Mom is fine and the surgery went beautifully, he professed that God was in that room with him, his exact words.  Our hearts rejoiced at this news!  He never had to make any incisions, he placed an external fixator around her leg to keep the bone in place to begin the healing process.  We had never seen this fixator, but we would soon become all too familiar.

And so it begins...

The months that followed would prove to be a struggle on some days, a challenge all days, a test of faith, endurance, perseverance, and determination to heal and make it through.

Being an advocate for your loved ones is crucial in their recovery.  Mom spent 12 days in the hospital and afterwards, she went to a rehab facility for another 21 days.  As a family and at the suggestion of doctors, we felt that rehab was crucial for her continued healing.  Being unaware of your options and available resources will send you down a rabbit hole that oftentimes resembles a nightmare.  We learned so much throughout this process and I know that it served a greater purpose.  I want to share a few tips and lessons with you in the event you are faced with unexpected circumstances in overseeing the care and recovery of your loved ones.
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• Call the insurance company to confirm what the plan allows.
• Coverage for outpatient physical therapy (How many days are covered and at what percentage)
• Coverage for in-patient rehab facility (As a family we would never go this route again, but I understand it is an option and necessity for some)
  • Before committing to a facility drop in for a visit
  • Be present daily if you can to ensure the facility is doing their job
  • Keep a bedside journal of important notes
• Is financial assistance available and if so how do you start the process
• Coverage for medical equipment (Wheelchair, portable bedside commodes, canes, etc.)
• Transportation to and from doctors appointments, therapy, etc. (Is this unlimited or is there a maximum number of transport days)
• Open communication with the care team and what you expect.  Don't be afraid to ask any questions 
• Make a list of medication(s) and ensure the medicine is provided and given on schedule
• Listen to your loved one and ask them if they have any cares or concerns about the treatment they are receiving
• Positively push your loved one and be their biggest cheerleader through the grumbles and disagreements
  
  

Knowing is only half the battle.  The rest is the trust you have in God and having faith that He will handle it according to His will.

Mom would ultimately come home with me for a few months to recuperate.  I knew that mom was in great discomfort.  The external fixator was cumbersome, clunky, and so amazingly awkward.  I felt an overwhelming sense of peace knowing she was no longer in any facility and would be well taken care of.  When the fixator was removed she graduated to a boot.  Now it's time for serious physical therapy.  Mom will continue through therapy for as long as she desires.  6 weeks and counting and she is doing great.  ​Nothing is simple at this stage, it's all a true test of your strength and faith.  Sleepless nights that started on that fateful day of February 2nd and lasted every bit of 4 months.  

But God!

Closer, and stronger, together we learned what true love is.  It's a neverending lesson in life.  How to love better, embrace longer, and endure with grace through the pain.

Mom cut her grass last week.  Just in case you were wondering how she is doing.  😏

~AJ