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It All Starts With You

4/4/2022

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I remember the series of events I am about to share with you as if it were yesterday.  I moved to Atlanta in the Fall of 1996 after spending the summer with my boyfriend's family at the Summer Olympics.  I had fallen head over heels in love with everything Georgia had to offer.  The weather, the people, and the smells were all infectious.  I was 23 and felt as if I could rule the world, yet I knew nothing about the world at that time and what would happen next.   The choice had already been made in my mind.  We were moving.  Our parents asked what we were doing, and we looked bewildered.  What do you mean?  We are moving and we are in love.  Aren't we???  But we had no idea about the meaning of true love and all that it meant.  

As we settled into our first apartment in Georgia it was something brand new and such an adventure.  If you asked me at the time how I felt I would without hesitation say it was the best time of my life. It was different, it was exciting and I felt a new level of freedom I had never felt before.  Time continued to move forward as it always does.  The excitement fades, bills are due and life happens.  I started working and met new people that led the way to interesting conversations and new ideas.  Suddenly I felt a sense of empowerment that I couldn't wait to share with my boyfriend.  

I love myself!  
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Restoring AJ

3/29/2022

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Prior to the beginning of the new year, I can't say with any true certainty that I vowed to see my resolutions come true.  The reason being, I hadn't made any.  Duh!  As a planner and a bit of a perfectionist along with acknowledging my OCD about everything from the crookedness of the kitchen rug to the slant of the window curtain, I have accepted that things just are as they are meant to be and I am perfectly fine with those minor imperfections and this run-on sentence.   

Aside from being totally against resolutions this year, I planned to dive into my writing, get lost into the creativity of my keyboard.  The sounds under my fingertips that mean I am working, the clickety-clack of my nails that would annoy some sounds like a perfectly tuned melody to me.  I am thinking, creating, and sharing my thoughts with the world and that allows me to dive headfirst into my happy space.   Life is forever unexpected in the series of events that are waiting for you around the corner.  You simply never know what to expect.  Those events will sometimes cause a necessary pause, allowing time to completely heal and get back to who you are.  The beginning of my year has been a challenge, but I'm here, still standing and stronger than ever.  

Mental health is real and necessary to acknowledge.  

I have a goal to create a few new posts per month, however, as a creator, I have learned that pushing myself is not the proper way in order to create authentic work, which is what my brand is all about.  When the spirit moves me I will write and when the universe grabs hold of me and tells me to woosah for just a bit I shall listen.  

I feel rejuvenated and refreshed.  Restoring AJ was a promise I made to myself.  Told myself it was ok and perfectly normal to take that much-needed break.  The gift of writing doesn't fade when it's genuine.  

Feels good to be back doing what I love.  As mental health awareness is heightened please take the time to ensure you are ok.  Talk to those who will listen and find things you can submerge yourself into without overwhelming yourself all over again.  Or just do absolutely nothing, sometimes that serves as the medicine your body truly needs.

One of my favorite quotes is, "It's not rocket science so it's not that hard unless you are a rocket scientist and think it's super easy".  Yes, I made that up, but it makes sense!  

With all the love and positive vibes I can muster, I wish you all the best that life has in store for you.  

~AJ 💫
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I Want You Around

2/1/2022

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Without knowing what lies ahead, I try my best to start each day with a bit of positivity, an overflow of love followed by a hope and a prayer so powerful that it will shake the universe and send a miracle down straight from heaven.  Life is known for throwing curveballs without fair warning and the impact can be so strong it will take your breath away.

Summer nights in Georgia were everything.   The weather was just right and it gave us a reason to be outside.  I remember everything about this night like it was yesterday.  My best friend and her husband were hosting movie night in the backyard.   How could I miss it?!  I wanted to spend as much time as I could with friends because I was packing to move to Indiana in a few weeks.  So off to movie night I went with only expectations to have an amazing time.  Had no idea it would be a night that would forever change my life.

Meeting someone new can be scary, but it's also really exciting.  We sat and talked for hours, about life, music, what brought me to Georgia and what was causing me to leave.  The promise was my movie would be much better than what he chose.  It would be something to laugh about for the rest of the night because we couldn't remember either movie.  Allowing ourselves to embrace something that felt good and that was simply being ourselves.  It's not often that you meet someone who makes you feel as if you have known them for years.  When you get that feeling you want to hold onto it, forever.  You were different and I knew then that I wanted you around.
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​As part of our normal conversation, you would always ask how I was and I wanted to know the same of you.  You were considerate in that way.  When you told me you had a few health challenges ahead, it was with shock and sadness to hear you say the diagnosis was cancer.  At this moment you never want to be the person who says the wrong thing, but what is the right thing to say?  

I'm here for you in whatever way I can be, and I am praying.  

As the weeks and months continued forward your optimism and positivity shined through and you sounded like yourself again.  I hoped and prayed that everything would be ok and I claimed it to be so.  Young, strong, and determined to fight for your life I was happy, inspired by you, and looking forward to what was to come with you and I.  Wishing I could have been there to make you smile, to share a laugh or two, to give you a hug and to hold your hand.  Often taking time for granted, we never truly know just how precious it is.    

"When are you coming back to Atlanta?"  I know that it won't be before the end of the year, the holidays are so busy and I'm still getting settled, but it will surely be early in the new year.  "Well, do you have a passport?"  I most certainly do!  Ok then, let's go somewhere, plan a trip and just live life and get away."  Yes, I would love that so much so let the planning begin!

When I heard the news that you were gone my heart sank.  Feelings of anger, pain, guilt, and confusion that literally felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces.  Why didn't I visit sooner and why couldn't we have taken that trip when you mentioned it?  As the tears continued to fall I went back through our messages and read them from beginning to end.  I looked at your pictures and smiled a time or two.  Wondering if the tears would stop, I remembered the laughs we shared, the memory of you, and finally drifted off to sleep.  

As I woke this morning I felt good.  Knowing that you were no longer in pain made my heart happy and for that I am thankful.  I am thankful to my friends for introducing me to you.  You were an extraordinary person, gentle, kind, sweet, and a perfect gentleman.  Your hugs were everything right in the world.  A true class act.  As a believer in the promises of God, I know that you are reunited with your loved ones, and I rejoice in that.  My prayers are with your children, family, and numerous friends who are mourning your loss.  

I don't believe in chance encounters.  I know that each meeting is for a reason.  Maybe as a lesson to love better, to hug tighter, and to cherish the times.  Whatever the reason, I leave with a heart full of thanks.

With nothing but love, I will forever miss you and never forget you Hasan.  May you rest in eternal peace. 🕊​
~AJ
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Chapter One

1/1/2022

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With a stretch and yawn as if I had just completed an Olympic-themed hibernation event I woke to a new day and a brand spanking new year!  I don't feel any different.  I'm not magically better at any one thing than I was on yesterday.  I slept for most of the New Year's Eve festivities and it truly felt perfectly normal for a change.  There is a small bit of jealously watching those who had a blowout party and danced the night away.  Then I am reminded of the times when I woke on the 1st day of the new year with a rocking hangover so that less than 1 percent of jealousy I mentioned earlier has quickly diminished into nothingness.  Besides, I am 49 and have no time for regrets and sideways ginger ale sips from the sofa all day.

I love new beginnings.  I always have.  The start of a new movie, a fresh new pair of boots, a crisp bag of chips just opened to a perfect level of freshness, and of course seeing the Amazon delivery truck outside my house, yet again.  If 50 First Dates was a person waiting for that blue truck to hang a right at the corner and stop in front of my house, it'd most certainly be me.  It's all in what moves you.  I'm pretty simple on most days.  I require normal things and try to give as much as I receive.  As a writer whose mind is wildly teetering between sanity vs insanity, I believe I have finally found my balance.

Writing gives me the freedom to escape from the reality of life when I choose and for that gift, I am forever thankful.

Reading through Happy New Year texts and social media posts this morning with one eye open while searching for my reading glasses makes my heart feel happy.  After the past couple of years, it's no surprise that we all want what feels like normal.  What tastes like fantasy and what makes you dream like you did when you allowed your thoughts to run completely free.  So how do we get back to all of that?  It's simple, you gotta allow yourself to.  Let go of what you feel you shouldn't be doing just because someone told you it was silly or because you are afraid of all of the great things that might happen.  One foot in front of the other is how I plan to step through life.  It isn't always rose petals perfectly laid, one because my cats would never allow me to be that great, but it is Chapter One and you can write it, however, your heart desires.  Go on an adventure and amaze yourself with what is waiting for you.

The deeper question here is, how much longer do I have to wish everyone I encounter a Happy New Year?!  My cutoff is somewhere between the end of today or February 1st.  Hey, what can I say I'm a sucker for giving well wishes.  

With love, light, and an overflow of blessings, I am wishing you the best that 2022 has to offer.  Sending you positive vibes and teleporting catchy beats you won't be able to erase from your memory no matter how many tequila shots you have.  

~AJ 🎊
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In The Writer's Den w/Donovan "Groov" Henderson

12/31/2021

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I couldn't think of a better way to close out an amazing interview series than to sit and talk with this amazingly talented soul.  With a humble spirit and a drive like no other, it's easy to see why everyone loves him so much.  A talented musician, writer, editor-in-chief, driven entrepreneur and CEO, Donovan "Groov" Henderson is someone you should know if you don't already.  So, kick your feet up, learn more about him, support his creativity and get into his Groov...

 ◆ How are you doing on this amazing day?
I’m doing quite well. I have a beautiful wife and five children, my life has been blessed beyond measures. An amazing day indeed.


◆ When did you realize you were in love with the art of music?
You know what, when I think back, I would have to say it was around my early teenage years. I was exposed to a lot of different types of music at the expense of my grandmother and her love for listening to the radio in the mornings. I can remember her always having the local radio playing, in another room, and I could hear it, before getting ready for school. The local radio station would play some of every kind of music, pop, rock, R&B, folk, you name it. Little did I know, it was at that point, that my music palet was being formed and it continued from there. I started recording music, from the radio, on cassette tapes in my room, picking out my favorite songs. I began buying records, turntables, and deejaying became my thing. That’s when I began to really fall in love with the art of music.


◆ As an entrepreneur what has been most challenging?
The most challenging to me is, not having the necessary working capital to really function at the highest level possible. Most of what I do from an entrepreneurial perspective comes from my savings account. I don’t have any investors of any kind. 


◆ If you had to describe yourself in the form of a song, what would that be?
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Tough choice here, but I was able to narrow it down. I would say it’s “So Ambitious” by JAY-Z & Pharrell Williams from the Blueprint 3 album.
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The Great Takedown

12/27/2021

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There is definitely a shift in the atmosphere.  Everything has been packed away and perfectly stored until next year!  I can hardly believe it myself.  I am one of the first people to pull out the storage bins with most everyone wondering, 'why so early?'  In some way, I am sure my entire year is planned around the grand unveiling of my treasured and loved decorations.  

Literally, no signs remain that Christmas existed within the walls of my home.  Except for finding a bit of glitter here and there one might wonder if my heart was a big ole lump of coal.  Oh, far from that my friends.  If they were hiring for a stand-in for Mrs. Claus I would be a perfect fit, with a few minor tweaks here and there.

The holiday season is one of great joy and it always has been for me.  The laughter seems deeper, the hugs so warm and comforting, the love always sincere, and the memories are the icing on the cake.  I come from a family of celebrations.  We make promises to keep it simple but we just don't know how.   

Traditionally my decorations hold their ground until right after the New Year.  Making the decision to start 'the great takedown' the day after Christmas will go down in history at my house.  Have I confused the world with this grand gesture?  Well, maybe not the world but a few of my friends are looking like the wow emoji.
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When I moved into the house mom asked why I didn't choose to put my decorations in the garage.  I gasped and said, 'In the element?!'.  Oh no, I want them close by, just in case I need to catch a glimpse of sparkle and what is to come.

After the lights were boxed, the ornaments packed away with care, and the figurines wrapped tight, I missed everything just that quick.  Smiled and reminded myself I do this every single year.  The space now feels a tad bit naked, however, it will soon feel like normal and the countdown will start all over again.  How many more sleeps until the next Christmas?  Oh, quite a few, but I'll be ready...
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"Even though the decorations were packed with care she still knew it was the most wonderful time of the year" -Me

​~AJ
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With Style And Grace

12/21/2021

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I wake this morning with such joy.  With admiration and profound thanks for a day as special as today.  A day that is all yours mom!  A beautiful day indeed to celebrate a beautiful and phenomenally fabulous person.  80 turns around this universe and you continue to do it all with style and grace.  You are so beautiful in every way.  

Decembers have always been my favorite.  A month of holiday cheer, time with family, making memories, and celebrating another blessed year of life with my dear mother.  

As time moves in a constant motion forward we never know what is waiting for us around the corner.  What obstacles are ahead and where our feet will take us next.  We remain firmly planted in our faith knowing that whatever journey we take it all starts with the glory, love, and grace of God.  
When we asked mom what she wanted for her birthday she said I have everything I need.  In my mind, I'm thinking but surely you want something.  Maybe new jewelry or perhaps a pretty new coat.  My mom loves flowers so much, and flowers she received.  Cards, sentimental gifts, hugs filled with love, amazing food, and an overflow of happiness.  Joy lives within her soul.

If I could carry a tune I would sing for the entire world to hear, but since I cannot I'll just sing it to you.  "🎶 Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear mother, Happy Blessed Birthday to you, and many more. 🎶"  

With love from this end of the universe to the next, I love you so much mom ❤️

~AJ
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What Do The Lonely Do

12/13/2021

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And the choir sang, "It's the most wonderful time of the year."  Not sure if it's the mesmerizing lights, the fairy tale that Santa is stuffing himself down the chimney at a quarter past midnight to lay the gifts out in perfect formation or if it truly is the most magical and wondrous time of the year.  Pretty safe to say it's all a matter of opinion.  For children, they really don't have much of a choice.  Falling into a hypnotic trance because what their parents say must be true.  Leave the fresh baked cookies out for Santa and if you wake to try and sneak a peek at your presents you will find a lump of coal in your stocking.  One of the hardest things for a child is going to sleep on Christmas Eve.  

With an overabundance of Christmas movies flooding every channel, decorations in nearly every store you walk into and hints that you should get in the spirit, you do just that or make a failed attempt at pretending.   

Having spent several holidays without my family and some not in a relationship, I know all too well how both sides of the fence looked.  Constant questions asking what my plans for the holiday would be and the surrounding hoopla that I needed to do something to prove I was not a distant cousin of the Grinch.  I had really great friends who would invite me over to share in the festivities with their families so the choice was mine.  Stay home and feel a tad bit lonely, or get out of the house and allow the kindness of others to warm my spirit.
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The Perfect Ending

12/6/2021

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Happy Monday!  I typically utter out those two words with as much conviction as someone who's actually not ecstatic over the fact that Monday has rolled around yet again.  Seasoned with a hefty sprinkle of sarcasm followed by a prolonged eye roll.  The only thing is, I'm actually happy it's Monday.  
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I live for the weekends and everything that comes along with it.  Mainly the joy that I get to say bye to work for a couple of days is enough to get me going.  It's more than that, the feeling of my warm bed that begs me to lay in for just a bit and the sound of nothingness if just for a little while.  The perfect opportunity for me to clear my head and plan my day.  What might start as a lazy day in my dreams never ends up that way.  I'm a busy body by nature and there is nothing I can do to change that.  I'm either cleaning as if my life depended on it or taping off yet another wall to start painting.  Well, I didn't get around to painting just yet but I did do a pretty awesome job of cleaning if I say so myself.  Just to give you an idea, here is a mini breakdown of why my weekend was probably better than yours.
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Hello December

12/1/2021

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It's a brand new month, so what are you going to do with it?  There is something about a new month that feels wonderful.  The previous month is a thing of the past, so out with the old and in with the new.  With an air of excitability, sprinkled with a dash of unknown happenings, it's like watching a really good movie unfold.  You have no idea what is going to happen next but you are in for the long haul and patiently wait to see how it all plays out.  

It's not just any month either, it's the last month of the year to be exact.  No pressure to finally finish all of those resolutions you planned 11 months ago while downing your 4th or 5th glass of bubbly.  But I'm not counting, so by all means, do you!  Chances are you don't even remember what you said.  If the pressure of living up to your resolution promise is too much to bare you can always chuck those promises right out the window and simply say fuck it.  Just for the record I typically do not use profanity on my website, but then I realized one thing.  Keyword being 'my', so... 

I'm into lots of things.  Shopping, decorating, opening a nice bottle of champagne, playing in the dirt to give my green thumb a bit of exercise, and of course one of my favorites of all time, writing.   A new diet, a revised business plan, or maybe even saving money to take that amazing vacation you have been dreaming of are all things worth being excited about.  Giving yourself a much-needed reset is important so don't be afraid to jump in and give it all you got!
Of course, this month comes along with holiday celebrations, fun times with family, friends or that special someone.  A little perfectly placed mistletoe ain't never hurt nobody, so dust off those plans and make some magic happen!  

With as many feel-good vibes as the soul can take, a friendly reminder is to simply enjoy it all no matter what day it is.  Plan ahead and set yourself up for ways to enjoy this month instead of working yourself into a frenzy.  Time is just as important as anything else, plan accordingly, and thank me later.

In closing... Hello December, I've been waiting for you.

​~AJ 🍾
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    AJ writes from her home in Indiana.  You can also find her work as a contributing writer for www.groovmagazine.com &  www.blackvybez.com 

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