It wasn't love at first sight. More reminiscent of feelings like regret, disappointment, and betrayal. You know, similar to finding out you have just been catfished by the person you thought was your dream come true, only to find that it's a Nightmare on Elm Street. Hi ma'am, what is your reason for returning this item? Please check all boxes that apply. Is there a box that says, because I just don't want it and I would like a do-over?! Ughhh, didn't think so... How could I get myself into this type of quandary and how in the world do I get out of it? If I could I would escape into a black hole back to the real world, because clearly, this is straight out of the Matrix.
The deed was done, the documents signed, the handshakes shaken and it was officially the season of no turning back. 'Ok, deal with it,' I told myself, and get into this vibe cause baby it's full steam ahead now.
I found a way to turn the events of my recent home purchase into uniquely documented and laughable moments because I sometimes had to do that to keep myself from crying. Based on my opening sentence I bet you thought I was talking about a love affair with a certain boy. Nah, not yet, working on that next... so just stay tuned, but in the meantime please keep reading!
If you follow my writing, you are aware that I speak about the 'art of' in many ways, shapes, and sometimes forms. In the same way you stare at a beautiful and captivating painting, many things can make you stop in your tracks because of their picturesque qualities and unique appeal. Forcing you to pause for a moment and allowing yourself to be drawn into this trance of sorts. The pictures of my home listed on the website were taken at just the right angles, missing the flaws that my eyes would be drawn to within a nanosecond. Secretly hiding the imperfections that would have sent me running for the hills and failing to disclose many things that, well, in my opinion, were not up to the standards I had become used to. I had thoughts that are illegal in every state I know of, however, I enjoy shopping too much to be confined due to a momentary lapse of sanity. I was preparing for war, so I put on my favorite pair of big girl panties and soldiered through. Figuratively speaking of course!
The choices were clear, either whine, complain and fuss about it or get to work and make it my own. The list of problems was at times longer than a CVS receipt, and you know how long those are! I fussed, went on and on about the lack of love this home had clearly not received. How could someone treat a home so poorly and why was it my job to see this thing through. Not really a question, just a statement I was hoping someone would respond to. I forced myself to get out of my own head and just try to find the beauty underneath my dissatisfaction. The more and more I unfolded the pages of each room, the more I noticed it wasn't that the house hadn't been loved, it was just my turn to do what I deemed necessary to make it all mine. As I started to hang pictures, the dots began to connect. Every stroke of paint was like peeling back a mask to reveal the true character. I dug deep and found what I had been looking for all along.
Coffee has been my right-hand man through all of this. It was the middle of the week, I stepped out of my office and walked towards the tea room, there is a creak in the floor that accompanies the turn from the hall into the kitchen and in that instant, a smile began to form upon my face. I complained about this silly creak and now I love it. Well, when did that happen? The sunshine through the windows fuel my soul and just does something to me. I sat there in the living room and felt an unexpected love. Out of nowhere, I knew that I had fallen, without warning, it had captured me just like that. I belong to it and it belongs to me.
Life has a way of opening your eyes to some of the most unexpected things. This journey found me doubting my choices and at times angry that I didn't push, or perhaps try harder for something that was perfect and brand new. It instead left me realizing I never needed perfect, only hope and a dream.
"Don't find love, Let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall, You just fall."
AJ writes & blogs from her home in Indiana. You can also find her work as a contributing writer at www.groovmagazine.com
"This is how you do it; you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard." -Neil Gaiman